my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
