i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
