I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
