the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
