there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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