Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
