I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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