Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
