rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
