Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
