U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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