i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
