How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
