batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
