That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
