I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
