Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
