My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I just gargled with NyQuil
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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