im six kinds of drunk right now
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
