no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
