where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
