i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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