Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm too high and old for this...
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
