jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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