I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
