his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
