He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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