I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
