sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Randomize
