for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
