Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
