He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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