she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
