just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
