The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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