You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
