Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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