I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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