help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
