it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
