sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Randomize
