Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
