There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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