dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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