week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
