there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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