So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
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