Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
