Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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