he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
